Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween, Fuckface

I just returned home from a night of trick or treating with my girls. We had a blast traipsing up & down Royal Avenue. The street I grew up on. The street where car loads of kids get dropped of to beg & where there are still multiple homes passing out king sized candy bars. Homeowners dress up, decorate with orange & purple lights, & play spooky music. There are graveyards, zombies, witches, & ghosts. There are friendly jack-o-lanterns & huge blow up spiders. There are even folks who run fog machines. Yeah. They get into it on Royal Ave.

As the girls & I walked up & down the street I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. And not just because it was Halloween & I didn’t want to be interviewed by Tim Pamplin & the Nightcam while they put out an AMBER Alert for my kids. My daughters astonish me—every day--with everything they do & everything they are. I looked on amazed as Madeline waited for Vivian to teeter down the porch steps after receiving her sweet treats. Sometimes she even offered her arm for her younger sister to steady herself. Then I heard Vivian’s oh-so-distinct voice boom, “TANK YOU” —without so much as a prompt from me.

As we walked along I absorbed every aspect of the evening. The crisp autumn air. The joyful noise of the kids mixed with the occasional scolding from a parent warning their child not to, “Walk too far ahead ” or to “Stay out of that bag—got it?” I was lost in thought & my mind began to wander to last Halloween. And nothing happened. So I tried again. Nada. Zip. Like I-can’t-even-remember-what-my-kids-wore kind of nothingness. Remember in Superman II when he agrees to give up his powers & marry Lois, but those three Kryptonian criminals he inadvertently released are headed to Earth? Remember the big dumb one who sucked? Like couldn’t do ANYTING  & he would squinch up his face & get all mad, but still nothing would happen? That was me.

Oooooh, WAIT A MINUTE. That’s right. Last year, Fuckface took off five days before Halloween. I couldn’t remember anything because I was drunk on Captain Morgan’s & apple cider. Last year I was bitten by an emotional vampire & had my feelings drained out of me. I was a douche bag induced zombie. It’s (vaguely) coming back to me. Meredith, Elizabeth & I snuck cigarettes on our parent’s side drive while Madeline watched TV in the back room with my mom (who thought I had Vivian. Um, I did not.) After a SUPER fun dirty white trash version of “Where the fuck is the baby?” we heard giggling under the dining room table & found Viv eating Snicker bars THROUGH the cellophane wrapping. Like 26 of them. Yes! That’s right! She had diarreaha & I was hungover. It was an all around extraordinary holiday.

As I snapped back to THIS year I began to laugh inwardly. Last year’s antics seem like a lifetime ago. As I watch these two awesome kids go up & down the block I am overwhelmed with pride—this time in myself. For simply surviving. See, The joke’s on you, Jeremy. You missed all of this. You missed everything. The costumes the school party the pumpkin carving & the cider mill. You missed Madeline’s HELLO KITTY ensemble at school & then her transformation into bumblebee evening wear. You won’t ever see Vivian as a unicorn clutching her sack of candy screaming, “Wook, Maddie! Wook! Dat house has a yight! Dey have TREATS for us! RUN!”

Happy Halloween, Fuckface. 


  1. Maybe one day TFD will realize what he did and what that made him miss out on. I doubt it though. He seems way too self involved to ever do something like that. Fuck him. You are much better off without him bringing you down!

  2. Beautifully said, Amy. I remember one year ago, seeing you at Meredith's right after your world fell apart and feeling so sorry for you. Now I feel proud of you and all you have accomplished and continue to accomplish. You were knocked down, but you are back.

  3. I'm glad to see that you are writing! You are so talented, it would be a shame for you not to share it with the world!